Playing Doctor
by ROBOTURBOT5000
Summary: Rated EXTREMELY M for the second part.  Jack and Kelly, because I can.  A little bit of plot, because why not?
1. Chapter 1

**This is actually kind of embarassing. **

**Or at least it would be, if my username wasnt ROBOTURBOT5000 and i cared about e-cred.**

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><p>Reports, reports, endless reports. Sometimes, she thought that the only crewmember who spent more time typing up reports was Miranda. Yeoman Chambers sighed and leaned back in her chair, tossing the datapad stylus on her desk dejectedly. At least Operative Lawson got to send her reports off to impress others. Kelly's diligent secretarial activities just went into her own folders and back through her mind as she struggled to stay on top of the Normandy's crew.<p>

"Heeheee… on top." She cracked a smile. It must be time to turn in for the night, if such simple double entendres were making her giggle.

The door alert bleeped softly, then two thuds rang out. Kelly got up and stepped over, curious as to who would call at this hour. The Commander, Miranda and others never knocked, and Grunt would've accidentally knocked it down, so that left-

"Chambers", came a muffled female voice, "we gotta talk. You there, Chambers?"

Jack.

Kelly stiffened, hands balling into fists. She should've been expecting this visit after… that night, but it still caught her off guard. She considered saying nothing, freezing, hoping the scary tattooed lady would just go away, but it wasn't right, wasn't fair to the crew. Jack had been there when they pulled her from the Collectors' rendering vats. She sucked in a breath, and pressed the 'open' button.

Jack was standing there, looking both bored and fidgety, with a set of baggy cutoff cargo pants and a loose cotton shirt slashed all the way to the navel and tied up with… were those pipe clamps? She folded her hands across her chest in the universal display of petulance. "Commander Shepard said I need to 'interact more positively with the crew' so… here I am. C'n I come in?" Kelly nodded and Jack pushed gently past her to stand in the doorway, half-feigning interest in Kelly's quarters. "I guess you're smart enough to figure out why I'm here."

"I have a good idea," Kelly said softly.

"Well look, no sense in babbling about with a whole shit-galaxy of words. I know last night I did something seriously wrong, and I'm sorry. Sorry for what I did, and for wrecking your night." She held out one tattooed hand and forced herself into a weird half-smile, half-grimace. Kelly accepted the handshake diplomatically.

"It's okay, no harm done. And it was two nights ago", Kelly paused. Part of her assignment, the most important part, was to get to understand the individual members of Shepard's crew and ensure their personal and interpersonal lives didn't interfere with the mission. Social grease, they called her, to make everything run smoothly. Jack was the biggest question mark in her information folders right now, not helped by Kelly's own timidity around the ex-con. It couldn't hurt if she took advantage of this goodwill to- "Jack, would you like something to drink? I was just done my work for the day and I'm thirsty." She motioned over towards her small countertop coffee set, the little miracle machine that got her through many a late night.

"Huh? Oh, weak stuff." Jack referred to everything that wasn't at least twenty proof as 'weak'. "Yeah sure, can't make me any more insomniac than I already am." Kelly offered her a chair, watching her movements covertly as the lithe woman stalked over to it and flopped down. Not an ounce of trepidation in any of them. _She doesn't rent, she owns_, the Yeoman thought.

Jack was picking at her teeth nonchalantly, shoes kicked off and bare feet up on Kelly's coffee table. Kelly withdrew the two mugs from the machine and carefully slid over to the chair opposite her guest, noting how clumsy her own movements seemed. Kelly forgot to blow on her coffee enough and ended up fanning her poor tongue with her hand while Jack chuckled. _That woman never laughs at anything remotely happy._

"Thanks for not ratting me out, too," Jack said between slugs of beverage. "I think I'm already on notice for showing up back here so damn drunk. Last thing Shepard wants to hear is that I grabbed his yeoman by the ass and tried to stick-"

"WELL I didn't think it needed the Commander's attention." Kelly tried to avoid looking flushed over remembering the sudden drunk molestation by a hardened criminal. Well, former criminal, anyway.

"The part about getting extremely fuckin' shitfaced and going to a dyke bar, or the part where you were sober and still went along?" Jack cocked an eyebrow and smirked.

"It's just a nice place!" Kelly protested. "It has nice drinks and nice lighting and-"

"And nice tits on the asari behind the bar." Jack made a suggestive wiggling motion with her tongue. "She was _very_ into you. Should've listened to her about the ryncol; that Krogan booze is fuckin' rough. I didn't have that much. I don't remember having that much, right? Shit just goes right to your brain. That 'ground glass' line aint' bullshit."

Kelly had found the stench of Jack's drinks enough to sober her up from the few light mixers she had had. She couldn't imagine what it must be like to actually consume it. "Yes, it certainly seemed… very potent."

"And you know, it's hard enough when I'm sober, adapting. I'm used to hanging around a different kinda people. People that don't say no." She cocked her head and stared very intently at the yeoman, a little morose. "Sorry it happened to be you."

"It's okay, Jack", Kelly reassured her. "You've come so far since you first joined this crew. Just coming forward like this is something you should be so proud of, and I hope we can continue to build our professional relationship." She wrinkled her nose. "Maybe next time, build it in a place that doesn't serve ryncol."

Jack rubbed at her neck, looking irritated. "Listen Chambers, I'm learning to play nice-nice for the Commander. I'll sit next to you guys an' eat and pretend like we're one big fuckin' happy family. NEVER gonna really be that way though. I respect you 'cause you're with Shepard; I really don't give a flyin' fuck about this whole 'go team go' bullshit. Specially not with that shitty big-titty cheerleader." She noticed the yeoman's hurt expression and softened a bit. "Don't fuckin cry, Chambers. You don't want too much of me in your life. My problems are… infectious." Her other hand went up to her other shoulder and the frown returned. "Ah, gaddamit."

They weren't very surprising words from the former convict, but disheartening nonetheless. Kelly sighed inwardly, wondering if there was ever going to be more than the Shepard connection between her and Jack. The woman was intimidating, but there was so much humanity behind her. The one person on the Normandy who genuinely needed assistance was the only person who pushed the councillor away. Well, Grunt too, but he was just plain scary.

She noticed Jack's neck rubbing and thought, damn it, if medical referrals are all I can help her with, so be it. "Is your neck okay, Operative?" she asked gently. "I could call the doctor…"

"Hell naw. I just slept on it funny. Only a big baby cheerleader goes cryin' to the doctor over her hurt widdle shouldies. 'Sides, I've had enough of doctors in my life. I'll go when I lose more than two limbs." Jack hung her head and sneered at her own discomfort. "Shit, hurts worse than some of the really tiny-ass stabs I got."

Kelly reached her hands out, without even thinking, and laid them on Jack's shoulders. It was such a natural thing for her to do, comfort others, but Jack pulled back suddenly, confusion in her face. Kelly half-withdrew in surprise. "Whatcha doin?" Jack demanded.

"Sorry. I'm not a medical professional, but I did take a number of courses in massage and stress relief. I just thought maybe… it would make you feel better."

Jack screwed up her face in thought. "How much?"

"What?" Kelly was taken aback. "N-nothing! As your Yeoman, it's my duty to help wherever I can in- "

"You know what they call someone who touches other people for free? A fuckin' pervert."

Yeoman Chambers finally frowned. "Don't be rude, if you don't want one, just- " but was cut off by Jack abruptly turning on the couch so that she was leaning against the back, her shirt's wide neck pulled down just around her shoulders. A topography of ink and scars spread up to her scalp on the exposed skin.

"I'm a real cheap gal. Free sounds good."

Kelly sat down beside her and started her work with no small amount of nervousness. It seemed normal to expect the tattooed skin to feel different somehow, but it was remarkably soft and supple, for a warrior. Beneath, Jack's muscles hardened from years of heavy use gave up the location of some tangled knots. There was no scarring or bruising (that she could see through the ink, anyways) so Kelly set to the task of gently kneading out the tender balls. Jack sank down onto folded arms and murmured softly at the wall. As Kelly continued on up into her neck strap muscles and the base of her skull, Jack's increasing slump indicated she was definitely starting to feel good.

But not quite as good as Kelly.

It might be a trifling secret to most but Yeoman Chambers prided herself on her professionalism and would never, ever let it slip to the crew that she loved skin more than a fat Volus loved cake. She loved the feel of it, the elasticity and resistance, the colour of it, the smell of it after a shower. She loved the variety within her own species and the exotic hides of the Citadel races, alive of course. Hours could be spent circling a particular mole with a finger or exploring the exact geometry of her jawline, and when she was feeling particularly… _frustrated_, she could spend hours in the shower or on her bed wearing nothing but an expression of delight, tracing paths up and down her bare flesh and wishing with all her might it was someone else's hands, and someone else's skin. For now, though, all she had was the occasional massage for a weary crewmember, and having the lean figure of Jack on her own couch with her one-of-a-kid epidermis was just _wonderful_.

Nimble hands dipped further down the neckline of Jacks' shirt as Kelly pushed her professional endeavour as far as she dared without crossing the line. Jack was very tense, a minefield of knots, and it wouldn't hurt to get this little part of her tension-free. She ghosted her fingertips lightly up and down the ex-con's neck: repeated the stroke with as much pressure as she gauged her subject could take. Soft and hard sweeps, slow knuckle pressures and palm frictions went all over Jack's shoulders, neck and head; Kelly leaned over and hit the 'recline' mode on her couch, and it smoothly folded into a bed to allow her to better get at Jack. The tattooed biotic offered only muttered grumbles as Kelly eased her shirt up over her head and inhaled quietly at what she saw. There wasn't an ounce of extra fat on Jack, and yet no bones poked rudely out. An incredibly complex map of tattoos and scars spread from the cusp of her slim hips to her waspish waist and further to toned shoulders and down graceful upper arms. Kelly noticed Jack was (typically) bra-less and swallowed at the thought of what treasures lay on the other side. She left Jack fiddling with a datapad and retrieved a canister of thermochemical gel from her bathroom. When she started the massage again, there was a little extra energy in her motions.

Jack's behaviour changed too. She began to verbalize more, little curses not aimed at anyone in particular. Her head lolled from side to side, back arched and curved and hips rolled in slow-motion response to Kelly's attentions. She must have never been touched like this, the yeoman reasoned, with her past history and acquaintances. _It's sad, really; she's one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. _ Jack exhaled suddenly and gave a little purr as thumbs pressed firmly and gently into the space between each rib, and Kelly's inhibitions faltered just a little bit more.

"Mmmffh! Ohh this is a hella nice ride. Kelly, please tell me you get every man you want with this shit. " Jack's voice slurred. "You are too good at it."

Squirming a little bit, Kelly replied, "I'm fine with just me and my duties for now." It sounded weak, and Jack mumbled something uncouth about what a woman really needed to busy herself with. Her skin was taking on a shine from the moisturizing gel, dropping highlights across the smooth terrain of muscle and sinew. She snuck in a stroke here and there along the line of a tattoo or scar, noticed Jack didn't budge and inch, and went further. Soon she was openly tracing out the patterns of life and death etched into the other woman's body, pretending her hands were shaping them, giving them more wholesome meanings. All she had to do was ask if Jack wanted her legs done and pants were flying across the room. Jack was wearing underwear that looked more like cargo restraints than a woman's delicates. Kelly felt her face flush more and kept furtively stealing glances at the perfect little round buns above her work area on Jack's legs. The room was a cozy temperature yet it felt like a million degrees, and she tugged the zipper on her shirt lower and rolled her pant legs up. As she moved around to get at all areas of the tattooed beauty, her legs brushed against bare skin, and the excitement and gel only heated her up more. Absentmindedly, she leaned her weight into Jack as her hands played down the slender woman's ribcage, fingertips slipping around her front. Her slow swaying motions, the heat of their proximity and the tiredness of a long day dulled Kelly's mind to the point where she didn't realize what she was really doing. She shifted down her subject's legs and put deep pressure all along her legs, thighs, right over her butt to her shoulders; Jack squirmed and sighed. Kelly pushed her fingertips into the crevasses of Jacks' thighs and buttocks, feeding off the moans and driving herself to go further, push the boundary between this massage and… something else.

When Jack suddenly bucked beneath her, she was jolted back to full consciousness. She nearly fell off the couch as the powerful form turned beneath her, wriggling and shifting onto her back but never pushing the yeoman away. Kelly stared down at Jack's naked figure, arms stretched over her head and her train of thought pitched right off the tracks and exploded. "I… abuhwwwahhh..."


	2. Chapter 2

"Do my front, Kel," Jack breathed lustily, closing her eyes and stretching out her neck. "Arms too."

Kelly peeled off her shirt, leaving her chest clad in an amply-modest sports brassiere, squeezed some thermogel into each palm and started rolling her hands around Jack's abdomen in slow circles. Her eyes were riveted on the low peaks crowning Jack's ribcage and their delicate, surprisingly un-pierced nipples. Leaning into her hands, she ran them up and down the midline of Jack's torso, her subject's breathing becoming heavier with each pass.

Suddenly, Jack's eyes flared open right as Kelly ended a stroke, and she found herself face to face with the grinning biotic. The intense look in Jack's eyes froze the poor yeoman in place, and as her flustered mind scrambled to think of what to do, a single drop of sweat rolled down her nose and landed in Jack's half open mouth.

Jack lunged upward and their mouths collided.

"Violent" wasn't a word used often to describe shoving your tongue in someone else's mouth, but that's exactly how Jack made it feel. The yeoman struggled to pull back as Jack's tongue chased around her own mouth, eagerly claiming all the territory it could grasp. When she managed to break away, the two women were left slack-jawed and panting, connected by a thin strand of saliva between their lips.

"I'm so sorry!" Kelly whispered. "I'm giving you the wrong idea here, but we- I can't do this."

"Bullshit," came Jack's hoarse reply.

"It's unprofessional. I'm supposed to be your counselor."

"You're supposed to help me, Chambers." Jack's fingers were prying eagerly under the bottom of Kelly's sports bra. "I need to get fucked. Counsel me. _Help me_. Do your duty and _do_ me." As if to accentuate her statement, the fuzzy-headed woman's fingers slipped down to the yeoman's hips, gripping them firmly. It was a manipulation – to be expected, of course – but there was a sincerity lurking behind Jacks' words.

Kelly studied her patient's eyes for a moment, and gently lowered herself down onto Jack's lips. As soon as she felt a tongue trying to force its way into her, she pulled back again.

"If you want this, you play by my rules," she said gently, feeling a little flutter of excitement at the idea of ordering this wild woman around.

"Do your worst." Jack stretched out her spine and gave a slow writhe. "Fuck me raw, boss."

Kelly placed one finger over the blasphemous maroon lips. She straightened up, placing her hands back on Jack's ribcage and began to feel out the rise and fall of her bones, her subject visibly relaxing. "First," she said firmly, "I will not hit, bite, spank, slap or do anything else to bring you pain." She moved her thumbs to the perky little nipples crowning her subject's breasts and began to push the dark buds around like joypads. "Second, I will not call you anything but Jack, and you will call me Kelly." Stopping her playful fiddling made Jack's eyes flutter open and find the yeoman's serenely lustful gaze. "Third, nobody is getting laid, fucked, torn up or pounded here. We are making love. Can you handle this… challenge?"

"Alright," Jack smirked, already pushing the boundaries. "I'll get my jollies your way, for now." She reached up to cradle the redhead's scalp, and Kelly lowered herself until their bodies were pressed together and their lips met again.

Jack was as hungry as before with her tongue, but now Kelly returned it blow for blow, or perhaps wiggle for wiggle. Jack's fingers were running through her firey hair, pads tracing out abstract patters of pressure , and Kelly couldn't help but let loose a little trill into her lovers mouth, which only pushed the ex-con further. They almost melted together, wrapping each other in embraces that were first tentative, then commanding. The tongue in her mouth, the hands roaming over her shoulders and neck and the feeling of two midriffs grinding together made the little yeoman feverish in no short time.

"Excuse me one moment." She sat up to grab the bottom of her sports bra, face flushing at her lover's eager grin, and ease it over her head. Jack's hands followed the fabric's retreate, roaming over her sides, back and arms and helping her toss the undergarment aside. Kelly emitted a soft giggle as slim, hard fingers tentatively slid up to cup her breasts. "Like what you see?"

"Yeah," Jack said, lifting them gently in turn. "I wish mine were this nice and big."

"Big? I'm just over a B minimum!" Kelly giggled again. "Besides, yours are adorable. You have adorable little tits."

"Adorable and little," Jack huffed, palming the yeoman's breasts and giving a firm squeeze in retaliation

"Those aren't bad things, you know." The redhead returned Jack's gesture, then pressed her thumbs against the ex-con's russet nipples. Slowly, with firm pressure, her slender digits began to rub circles around them. Jack's own hands languidly massaged Kelly's breasts as her eyes closed and one deep mauve lip curled. Her breathing had picked up a notch, keeping pace with her arousal. "If I didn't know any better," the perky redhead chirped, "I'd think you were enjoying this."

"Nobody ever _nnnnhhhg_plays with my tits." Jack squirmed side to side as the yeoman rolled her nipples between thumbs and forefingers, then gave an experimental tug. The reaction was enough to convince her to grip Jack about the forerarms and slowly raise her hands over her head, sinking down to claim her prize orally.

"Mmmhmmm," Kelly murmured into the mouthful of areola. Never had she been more thankful that the thermogel was fully non-toxic. "Mouth sized." She drew her tongue back, sucking in as much tit as possible, lifted up her head until it came free with a delicious 'pop', and bore down with her tongue to lick and kiss and make Jack writhe.

It took half a dozen minutes of continuous attention before Kelly decided she had adequately mapped the contours of her willing partner's chest. Slowly, she lowered herself onto Jack and slid up until their mouths met, Jack's arms wrapping around her waist and pushing the waistband of Kelly's pants down around her legs. It took a couple of minutes for the two of them to work the yeoman's pants off completely. Jack's fingers slid up under the black cotton boy-cuts and firmly gripped Kelly's ass.

As they continued the heated makeout session, Kelly reached down between Jack's legs and lightly traced one finger along the outside of the strange proto-thong. It came back slick with wetness, and Kelly broke the kiss to make a show of licking her finger clean. The ex-con kept lifting her head up slightly, straining for release. Kelly started to kiss her way down Jack's body, moving from jawline to collarbone to sternum to belly button. Here she paused, swirling her tongue around the little dent as her subject squirmed anxiously beneath her. "Jack," she began lustily, "would you like me to-"

"Yes. Eat me… please." The words weren't so much spoken as exhaled.

"Mmmmokay." Kelly murmured into the soft, warm flesh and licked her way down to Jack's groin, peeling off her bizarre panties. The other woman's need was practically dripping out of her by this point and the yeoman wasted little time with foreplay. She kissed Jack's inner thighs and worked her way into the inner lips of the ex-con's womanhood. Just as she'd done with the massage, she started light, tongue probing around the folds of Jack's ladyhood as she teased the slit with one finger. She moved up to Jack's clit and flicked licks across it as she began to work her finger inside. Once two-thirds of the digit was inside, she began languidly exploring the inner contours, feeling the soft slick texture give way beneath her finger.

"What about you?" Jack asked hoarsely.

"Hmm?" Kelly looked up with her mouth still pressed against Jack's clit, a view that elicited a lip-biting smile from the ex-con.

"You uh, wanna turn around an get on top of me?"

Kelly giggled and returned to her work, speaking into the clit like a microphone. "This is all about your needs, Jack. Tonight it's all about you." It was a nice sentiment, made better by the vibrations from her speech.

"In that case, how about – nnggh – another finger?" Jack lay her head back and reached down to tousle Kelly's firey hair. Kelly dutifully worked her middle finger in too, crossing and uncrossing them as she started to push in and out. Her lover's breathing kicked up another notch at this change. Jack became quieter as Kelly picked up the pace, panting the only sound filling the cabin. Kelly began to swish her tongue around Jack's clit, pushing in as hard as she could and trying to control Jack's squirming with it as though it was a joystick.

Jack loved every minute of it. She cursed delicately under her breath, she jiggled, she spasmed and occasionally a spark of blue biotic energy would rise off of her like a miniature solar flare. All the love she'd had in her life was clearly of the hard and fast variety and she was reveling in this treatment. The entire universe dissolved away and left just the two women, one on her back writhing and panting and the other with her face pressed into a pussy, licking and fingering it like it was manna from heaven. "How am I doing, champ?" Kelly asked as she raised her head to take a gasp of air.

"Fingerinmyass!" Jack exclaimed.

"Mmmmm?"

"Stick… finger… in my butt." She was gripping Kelly's scalp firmly now, giving her a mini-massage with her powerful hands.

Kelly was a little bit put off but still pulled her hand from Jack's heaving stomach, spit on her pointer and slowly wiggled it into Jack's tight asshole. The ex-con sighed pleasurably, continuing to writhe under the attention received. Watching her pace carefully so as to keep the buildup steady and almost oppressive, Kelly worked her fingers in and out of both holes as she started giving her clit little suckles, each one teasing a restrained exclamation from Jack's lips. It felt like a mini-eternity had passed, but now Kelly was starting to feel Jack peaking in her hands, the need for orgasm at its greatest. She would've loved to stretch it out longer through relentless teasing and peaking but their time was running out. Wrapping her lips around Jack's clit, Kelly began a combination of sucking and licking that she loved to believe she personally invented, bathing it in attention and saliva. She curled the fingers on her right hand so that they were hitting Jack's G-spot on every thrust and continued her steady rhythmic ass-fingering.

After only a dozen seconds of this, Jack finally exploded.

She didn't cry out, cursing and spitting as Kelly had anticipated. She barely vocalized at all. A single, gentle cry of "ohh" escaped from he lips, and she arched her back up off the mattress, froze in position for a second or two, and then crashed back down, shivering and shaking. The biotic energy dancing around her flashed as bright as a halogen bulb, then dissipated.

When the other woman's convulsing had died down, Kelly kissed her pussy goodbye and left her hand trailing along one graceful tattooed leg as she got up. She stood for a moment, admiring her handiwork sprawled all over the mattress in post-orgasmic glee, then washed her hands clean. Her own tired face staring back from the mirror above the sink made her smile. "You did good today, Kelly," she murmured to herself. Her own arousal was ebbing; tomorrow she'd take an extra-long shower to reward herself. Kelly returned to her office-quarters and her patient and crawled up beside her on the futon. Jack offered no resistance as the yeoman wrapped her in an embrace and snuggled into the back of her neck. Kelly closed her eyes, enjoying the sudden quiet and the soft hum of the ship's ventilators. All the sensations filtered in slowly: the falling pitch of their breathing, the perfect warmth of another human body, the musk, sweat and saliva cooling in the cabin chill. When she sat up to pull a blanket over them, Jack started to shift, pulling herself towards the side. Her tolerance for intimacy was nearly nonexistent, and with the afterglow wearing off she would make a break soon for the security of the lower deck.

"Should prolly go… gotta sleep shoon," she slurred, propping herself up on one elbow.

Kelly drew the blanket over the both of them and laid a hand on Jack's shoulder. "You know Jack, I was thinking…"

"What?" The all-too familiar sharp edge had returned to the biotic's voice.

"Well," the redhead began, "it's almost time for a watch change, which means people will be walking about. If someone sees you coming out of my cabin all sex-headed, they might think… things. It could even be the commander, you know. You'd have to go all the way down there, and I have all these nice, warm blankets…"

Jack looked back at the yeoman, gears grinding in her brain. She looked into Kelly's eyes and for a second, Kelly swore she saw a yearning, a pleading look in the ex-con's countenance. "Fine," Jack grumbled, flopping back down as Kelly muffled a squeal. She grabbed the redhead's arm and wrapped it around her, wiggling backwards against Kelly's breasts. "Just make sure you don't tell anybody I'm getting all soft and weepy."

"Not a soul."

"And this doesn't make us girlfriends! I don't do that girlfriend shit." Jack snuggled closer to her and pulled the blanket up around her shoulders. "I'm just seeking medical treatment for my chronic frustration is all. Understand?"

"Whenever you need help, I'm here for you, Jack," Kelly said, sighing into the back of her lover's neck. She was good for a few hours of snuggling but Jack was rapidly drifting off into dreamland, judging by her relaxing muscles and declining heartrate.

"Oh, and Kel?"

"Mmmyes?"

"Thanks… a lot."

* * *

><p>"Yeoman Chambers," came EDI's smooth voice, "a non-priority message was received on your behalf at 0120 hours this morning. I did not put it through to your personal comms as Doctor Chakwas has suggested the crew's rest schedules have become too limited."<p>

"Why thank you, EDI," Kelly glowed. "Who was it from?"

In response, a brief voiceclip played. "-Ms. Aurelia Tand'arra, from Mynx-" Kelly froze, feeling a warm flush on her face.

"Mynx? Now why does that sound familiar?" Garrus paused. "I'm sure I've seen that somewhere on Illium… a sign somewhere."

"It's probably nothing!" Kelly squeaked. "I don't recognize the name at all and I certainly don't' remember a place called Mynx, ever!"

"The sender was quite knowledgeable about you, Yeoman Chambers. She wanted to arrange a mutual dining experience before the Normandy left. She was correct about our departure date, which is not public knowledge." Nothing could be more humiliating than being busted by an unwitting AI voice. Kelly squirmed visibly.

"A LESBIAN BAR! Aha!" Garrus rapped his hand on the table. "That's it! I remember a bar on Illium and how I just couldn't understand why the entire clientele was female. Wait… Yeoman Chambers?"

"Ohh yeah," Joker chimed in. "Yeah, they filmed an episode of Pan Galactic Spring Break there. Mynx Madness. Man, those ladies were- wait, Chambers?"

Silence fell as all eyes in the mess turned to rest on Kelly. Miranda suppressed a slight cough. Grunt continued eating, completely unfazed.

The redhead's cheeks were burning up. _Alright Kelly_, she thought to herself_. You can get out of this. You can deny it. You just need to think-_

It was at that exact moment that Jack, draped in a large sports jersey with CHAMBERS stenciled across it, stepped through the doorway, gave Kelly's ass a resounding slap, and plopped down into an empty seat.

"So, what's for breakfast?"


End file.
